You Belong to Me

You're on the phone with your girlfriendShe's upset.She's going off about something that you said'Cuz she dosent get your humor like I do... I'm in the roomIt's a typical Tuesday nightI'm listening to the kind of music she dosen't likeAnd she'll never know your story like I do'But she wears short skirtsI wear T-shirtsShe's cheer captainAnd I'm in the bleachersDreaming about the day when you wake upAnd find what you're looking for has been here the whole timeIf you could see that I'm the one who understands youBeen here all along so why can't you see, youYou belong with meYou belong with meWalkin' the streets with you and your worn-out jeansI can't help thinking this is how it ought to beLaughing on a park bench, thinking to myselfHey isn't this easyAnd you've got a smile that could light up this whole townI haven't seen it in a while since she brought you downYou say your fineI know you better then thatHey whatcha doing with a girl like thatShe wears high heelsI wear sneakersShe's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachersDreaming about the day when you wake upThat what you're looking for has been here the whole timeIf you could see that I'm the one who understands youBeen here all along so why can't you seeYou belong with meStanding by and waiting at your back doorAll this time how could you not knowBaby... You belong with meOh'I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the nightI'm the one who makes you laughWhen you know your about to cryAnd I know your favorite songsAnd you tell me about your dreamsThink I know where you belongThink I know it's with me... Can't you see that I'm the one who understands youBeen here all alongSo why can't you seeYou belong with meStanding by and waiting at your back doorAll this timeHow could you not knowBaby you belong with meYou belong with meYou belong with meHave you ever thought just maybeYou belong with meYou belong with me...

hummm

Well I've had a busy couple weeks. Haven't lost weight. But I'm prolly the happiest I have been in a long long time. Even started wearing short sleave shirts and shorts and skirts. I need to find happiness in myself. Hopefully once I do that I can get back on track. Thought I was over my crush, but we have spent more time together in this last month then ever and they have been the best moments. Even if he isn't ment for me I know that I want someone like him. Maybe that is why I like him so much. There aren't many people that can say they have friends as good as him. We always laugh and have a good time. Can spend hours in a car together just the two of us and it's not uncomfortable. Go to dinner and have a good time. Talk about everything together. Do I think he's perfect. No, because I also know all of his faults. But that makes me like him even more that he would feel comfortable enough to tell me those things.

hummm

Well I haven't weighed myself this week. However, I did something I'm proud of this week. I haven't had fast food all week!!!! Yeah. That is a huge step, it seems like a good step in the right direction towards a my goal. I hope this week goes just as well. :)

285.0

blah

283.0

Well it's been 1o days and my weight hasn't changed at all....I guess I have to try harder.

Been a while....283

Well it's been a while. I've had a rollercoaster in my life the past few weeks. But, I'm going to try to see that as a time to start caring for myself more and what I want and less of what would make everyone else happy. So with that being said I'm starting fresh. Half the year isn't even gone yet. I still have plenty of time to make good on losing weight. So starting fresh......283.0 I'm going to set a goal of 275 by June 20th. I think it's do-able. If I make it I can treat myself to a pedicure....so lets see what happens.

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

I never liked this song much until this weekend. I must say it was the worst weekend I've had in years. But, I found out who my friends are. I'm not going to talk about what happened. I want to get over it. All I can say is I would bend over backwards, do whatever is needed when any of my friends need something. But, the one time I ask for something I get fucked over by 60% of the people who I thought where my friends. I guess it's good to know now who is who.
I'll get an updated weight tomorrow. Been slacking, hanging out with people that I thought were awesome.

No more crush.

Life

My life has been strange lately. I've been going out quite a bit in the past 2 weeks with my crush. Maybe twice in the last 2 weeks we haven't done something after work or whatnot. One of those days being Easter. He's kinda wierding me out. The pass week everytime we go out to dinner. He picks up the tab. Then I'm in the strange place where yeah I say thanks and what not, but I feel strange not picking up something. Last night I tried to snag the bill and pay for it and it turned into an argument. ah!!!! I did get some chick tell me in the restroom last night that my "boyfriend is hot." That kinda makes me feel good. Other then he's not my boyfriend, but a boy who is a friend. We ended up both getting pretty trashed last night. Neither one of us has to work today until 11, yeah! After we went out to dinner we met up with some friends at a bar and hung out. One of my good girlfriends who knows the scoop was like "you need to make a move" all night long. I'm not a mover, he's not a mover. I'm pretty sure this relationship is going to stay stationary. :(

Just Friends

Boy I know this might seem strangeBut let me know if I'm out of orderFor stepping to you this waySee, I've been watching you for a whileAnd I just gotta let you knowThat I'm really feeling your style'Cause I have to know your nameAnd leave you with my numberAnd I hope that you would call me somedayIf you want you can give me yours tooAnd if you don't, well I ain't mad at youWe can still be cool 'causeI'm not trying to pressure you just can't stop thinking 'bout youYou ain't even really gotta be my boyfriendI just wanna know your name and maybe some timeWe can hook up, hang out, just chillDamn, I'm surprised that you called'Cause the way you walked awayI thought I wasn't gon' see you no moreSince you didn't wanna give me your nameI thought that you were digging meAnd wasn't digging meBut anyway what you doing tonight?I'll probably be with my peepsIf it's cool with you maybe we'll swing byAnd you can just chill with us or you can just chill with meLong as you're comfortableAnd you feel secure when your with me 'cause I'm not trying to pressure youJust can't stop thinking 'bout youYou ain't even really gotta be my boyfriendI just wanna know your name and maybe some timeWe can hook up, hang out, just chillOh, oh baby, yeah, maybe we canGo and see a movie boyOr maybe we can hang out boy whatever you wanna doJust let me know, it's up to youI'm not trying to pressure youJust can't stop thinking 'bout youYou ain't even really gotta be my boyfriendI just wanna know your name and maybe some timeWe can hook up, hang out, just chillI'm not trying to pressure youJust can't stop thinking 'bout youYou ain't even really gotta be my boyfriendI just wanna know your name and maybe some timeWe can hook up, hang out, just chillI'm not trying to pressure Just can't stop thinking 'bout youYou ain't even really gotta be my boyfriendI just wanna know your name and maybe some timeWe can hook up, hang out, just chillJust trying to keep it realAin't out to get nothing from you, oh no, oh noWe can just talk about you boy

285.0

285.0 I've haven't got a funny or good comment for this one. It's just getting downright depressing. Had last week off work so I think I sat at home and ate everyday. Yummy I ate a whole 1/2 gallon of ice cream last week. I can't remember the last time I had ice cream. I think I need to set a goal for myself, with a reward if I meet that goal. Hummmmmmmmm what should my goal be?

Something to Talk About You

People are talkinn 'bout people I hear them whisper, you won't believe it They think we're lovers kept under covers I just ignore it, but they keep saying We laugh just a little too loud We stand just a little too close We stare just a little too long Maybe they're seeing something we don't, Darlin'. Let's give them something to talk about Let's give them something to talk about Let's give them something to talk about How about love? I feel so foolish, I never noticed You'd act so nervous, Could you be falling for me? It took a rumour to make me wonder Now I'm convinced I'm going under Thinking 'bout you every day Dreaming 'bout you every night Hoping that you feel the same way Now that we know it, let's really shoe it, Darlin'. Let's give them something to talk about Let's give them something to talk about Let's give them something to talk about How about love, love, love, love? Let's give them something to talk about A little mystery to figure out Let's give them something to talk about How about love, love, love, love?


This is just how I feel.

286.0

up uP UP!!! ahhhhhh.. it was a bad week. I found I love candy this week! I have never been a huge candy person. But with work and life being kind of stressful lately and not drinking or eating out I started eating candy. Not good. That is why I weigh 286.0

Plus, I'm home on a Friday night!!!! oh no, what a loser!

282.0

282.0 _ honestly I can't make this stuff up!!! Same 'ol same 'ol blah blah story!!!!!

Realize

Take time to RealizeThat your warmth isCrashing down on meTake time to realizeThat I am on your sideWell didn't I, didn't I tell youBut I can't spell it out for youNo it's never gonna be that simpleNo I can't spell it out for youIf you just realizeWhat I just realizedThat we'd be perfect for each otherAnd we'll never find anotherJust realizeWhat I just realizedWe'd never have to wonderIf we missed out on each other, nowTake time to realizeOh oh, I'm on your sideDidn't I, didn't I tell youTake time to realizeThis all could pass you byDidn't I, didn't I tell youBut I can't spell it out for youNo it's never gonna be that simpleNo I can't spell it out for youIf you just realizeWhat I just realizedThat we'd be perfect for each otherAnd we'll never find anotherJust realizeWhat I just realizedWe'd never have to wonderIf we missed out on each other, butIt's not the sameNo it's never the sameIf you don't feel it tooIf you meet me half wayIf you would meet me half wayIt could be the same for youIf you just realizeWhat I just realizedThat we'd be perfect for each otherAnd we'll never find anotherJust realizeWhat I just realizedWe'd never have to wonderIf we missed out on each otherJust realizeWhat I just realizedThat we'd be perfect for each otherAnd we'll never find anotherJust realizeWhat I just realizedWe'd never have to wonderIf we missed out on each other, nowMissed out on each other nowMissed out on each other nowMissed out on each other now

282.0

Well I weigh the same. At least it's not going up. But I am so frustrated. I'm not drinking, not eating out, AND now I started walking 2 miles everyday. When will it catch up?!?!?!?

We I had a pretty good week. Not much new really going on, but I spent all day last Sunday with my crush. It just feels right. We get along and agree on mostly everything. We have so much in common, seriously it is kinda sickening. Tuesday we went out a for a bit to celebrate the good ol' Irish holiday!!!! Irish car bombs are not my idea of a good time. Green beer is very yummy though, come to think of it I like all beer!!! Saturday we had a birthday party for a mutual friend, and headed to that together.

How can other's call us the dinamic duo to our face, yet we don't take it farter?

282.0

282.0 well nothing really happened weight wise. But, it didn't go up! That is a good thing right?!?!

282.4

282.4 - Down a bit. I've tried really hard this week. I think my new goal may be to loose 15 pounds by the end of lent and not give up the drinking? I'm gonna try for one more week and see what happens.

Only the lonely

Loneliness: is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and solitude. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person.


I've been so lonely lately. As I sit here now I'm in tears. Crying for over an hour, unable to stop. How can I be lonely? I have an awesome group of friends, and a wonderful family. But just like the deffinition says I feel so empty. Like something is missing. I almost feel like I want someone or something to just put there arms around me and hold on. Not letting me push away. I'm good at putting up a wall, pushing away. I want everyone to think I have my life together. I don't want them to know I have faults. But, I do, and they know. I'm usually the caretaker. I make appointments for people and give them reminders of where they need to be. But no body takes care of me. Why do I feel like a loser for saying that I want someone to take care of me, to worry about me?

I know that skinny doesn't fix anything. I'm still the same person right? But what if it does? What if I was a thin person? Does that mean I wouldn't be the outgoing, bubbly girl I am now. Would I have been more quite, reserved? What if it mean's my personality would have been even bigger, and louder then it is now? I just feel like I have to much to offer everyone and if I was a thin person I would be in a better place. I relate it to everything. I wouldn't have quit school, I would have had a better job. I would have my own house, and a better car. Maybe been married with kids. But at the same time I know my life could be worse. That I am lucky for all that I have. It just hurts to not have someone to talk to. To not have a friend that can relate. And everytime I try to explain they tell me I'm nuts "skinny wouldn't change anything."


The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved. - Mother Teresa

285.4

285.4 Up again! Oh man, hopefully with the start of Lent this week I should bring that number down.


Could he be gay?

2 weeks of life in 1 long blog

Can I just say that I hate my best friend!!!! No really I do, she has been getting on me (along with everyone else) about dating more and finding someone. They all say I’m great blah, blah. My friends have to say this right? Well, I was convinced to join match.com. HUM…it’s been 4-6 weeks, who knows. All I know is that I need to figure out how to stop the emails that are sent to me. About 3 times a week I get an email saying “sorry we have found 0 matches for you.” Seriously I have had ZERO matches! Ah!!!!! I need help.

Ok anyway it has been a crazy couple of weeks. I swear that boy will make me crazy!! Valentine’s Day started me thinking even more. He drives me nuts, not knowing what he is thinking. And I really believe that he has no idea what he is doing. It’s not a part of his plan to drive me up the wall and make me fall for him. But he is. I got flowers on the Friday before Valentine’s Day at work, from the girls I work with. Because, I’m the only one in my department not with someone and I think they felt bad for me that they all got flowers delivered that day. So I come back from lunch and I have pretty flowers on my desk! I do love my co-workers. Anyways, we go out that night a group from work, along with some of my friends. One of the ladies was talking about everyone in our department got flowers. I did not here the conversation but she says he went nuts. She said he asked like 3 times “everyone in your department got flowers?” When she said yes, he asked if that meant me too. She said yes again. Then she says it was 20 questions about who sent them and what they looked like on and on. She didn’t tell them they were from the ladies. Just said she didn’t know and I guess he asked her to investigate.

So, then Valentine’s Day….I’m single, he’s single all of our friends are couples. So we go out on Valentine’s Day. It was a nice day, nothing fancy. Out to the mall shopping, to the movies and out to eat. It was a nice day. Honestly it was the perfect way to spend Valentine’s (other then no sexL). My girlfriends said they wish that was what they did.

Well, then comes the new week. I went to a party at a bar here in town on Saturday. The roads where so bad, not many people came out. I think there were maybe 75 people at the bar. A couple of friends came out and we made the best of it. I had mentioned earlier in the week what we were going to do, but he said he wasn’t interested so I didn’t bug him about going. Not the kind of thing he would like, DJ, dancing, he’s more whole in the all chill bar person. Doesn’t like to dance or like that kind of music. Anyways, I figure night out with the girls mostly. We are on the dance floor 11pm, guess who walks in the door?!!?!?! The girls I were with jaws drop, they can’t believe he came. Even my best girlfriend that knows him also, was like what the heck. He didn’t dance, but he was a good at keeping the beer flowing. So it’s getting late and everyone is leaving. He sticks around and we hang out till they kick us out.

Then, Sunday I send a text out to a couple of friends that I haven’t seen in a while about going out on Monday night. One of them happened to be the girlfriend of his best friend. She writes back saying that her and her boyfriend will see me there. About 45 minutes maybe an hour later. I get a text from my crush asking why I didn’t invite him and if he could come. J That has to be a good sign right?!?!?! AHHHH boys.

Last night went out with friends again for dinner and drinks. Texted him hello on my way out and said if he was thirsty to stop on down. He came down and we closed the place down. We have a great time when we hang out. We know what each other likes and put with each other’s shit. But, neither one of us has the balls to make a move. Time will tell.

See I told you I had a lot. It’s been too long. I’m going to have to try do better at writing a couple times a week.

Well I’m still fat. I actually weighed myself today, and I’m up 5 pounds since Friday. I could be all the booze I’ve been drinking. But I’m done as of today. No drinking until Easter. Oh lord I hope someone prays for me that I can make it.

282.2

well it's about 2 days late...i did weigh myself on friday but i've been super busy.....at least i'm down. i have lots to say about my week but now is not the time hopefully tomorrow i can find a second or two.

Thirsty Thursday

OH well for those of you who don't know Lent starts next week. Yup, that means I'm Catholic! Well this year I'm giving up drinking and eating out! HA! I was doing well on the no fast food thing until about 2 weeks ago. I was having a really bad day, went to Wendy's for a sandwich. It's all been down hill from there. AHHHHHH!!!! Well times will be changing next week. Which also means think weekend will be a drunken drink fest! Yeah!

So nothing much has really been going on this week.I've been sad, when I'm sad I shop! I bought two new pairs of shoe's yeah! Really really cute ones. And, I got some new golf shoes also. Also got a ton of new clothes. Something that I didn't want to do until I lost some weight. Oh well at least if I'm fat I'm gonna look stylish. Hum well weigh-in tomorrow we will see what happens.

284.2

AHHHHH!!!! I was doing so well. What happened?!?!?! Oh I'm gonna cry!

You're Making ME Crazy

AHHH!!! I can’t believe how I am feeling now. I know that this blog is supposed to be about my weight. But, I seem to let this guy take over all of my thoughts lately. Why? Why do I let him do this? Am I crazy? I must be. I’ve never been a mushy starry eyed girl. Now I’m in my late 20’s and I’m acting like a junior high girl. WTF?? How did I let him do this to me? Does he know that his making me crazy? Seriously….I don’t get it. The cooler, move level headed I try to be about this guy the crazier I get. I tried really hard NOT to talk to him this weekend. Yeah, we are friends, but we have other friends. So, why not just hang out with them this weekend? Friday night, go to the movies with the girlfriends. He’s Just Not That into you, great movie. I loved Ben Affleck’s character in this movie. That is the kind of guy I want. Although so much in the movie is SOOOOOO true. Why do we convince our girlfriends that guys act that way because they like you? Right now it hit so close to home with all the things my girlfriends have been tell me. At any rate, a night out with the girls. Awesome, early movie and a few drinks. Then decide to head downtown. Get text from him wanting to know how the movie was, what we were up to, told him headed downtown to the bars. He HATE’S the downtown bars, doesn’t like how loud they are parking far way and walking a mile, or having to pay for parking if you park close. Get down there and guess who is there? Yeah! WTF? The messages where short. Ended with have a good weekend and there he was. Way to screw up my mind. We stay until the bar closed. Argue about him paying for my drinks -while getting looks from my best girlfriend. Then head out to grab a bite to eat and head home. Here’s where I start to go crazy. Last text of the night from him at 3:30am, first text of Saturday from him at 6:43am. Hummmmmmm. Then I go to work, getting messages from him all day. Stupid messages. Wanting to know what is going on that night. What he see’s going on outside of his window. What he is watching on TV. What he is eating for lunch. I ignore most of them, not writing back. What do I say after all? That night I was invited to a mutual friend’s house to hang out play some cards. They have invited him; I call to see if he’s going so we can ride together. He doesn’t feel up to it, says he wants a night in on the couch being lazy. That’s cool. The whole time over there my phone is going off me asking questions, who is there, what are we doing, am I having fun, and what am I drinking? More stupidness. Then at midnight “I’m bored.” What I am supposed to think? Semi-sounds like a booty call?!!? Am I nuts? Why would he say that when we have never done anything sexual before. Not even a kiss? Drunk, alone, lonely? This guy is driving me nuts! He’s in my head and I’m letting him get to me. Do I really like him? Or do I like him because we spend so much time together and everyone says we make a cute couple. Does he like me, or is he getting the same from his friends. I don’t know what to make of all of this. As I’m writing this text from him “watching the big lebowski.” He really starts a conversation with a question, always with an off the wall statement. Boy do I love him. Does he know that I deep down inside wanted to know what he was doing? Does he know me better then I know myself?

277.1

It's Friday! Yeah, just my weight for now hope foe more to follow this weekend...drunk for now!

Why cry?

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”


I cried today for the first time in 7 years over a guy!!!!! WTF??!?!?!?!?! Why do I feel like this? Why did I let myself have these feelings? Why am I crying over someone that I never would be good enough for? Why aren't I the skinny girl, or have blonde hair? How can I let something hurst me so much? How can I believe my friends when they tell me we are perfect for eachother? Why would they even tell me that? How does this happen? How can I let my heart feel like this? I AM a smart girl! I deserve someone good. Will it ever happen NO! Why? Because I am the girl who is a friend. Why? Because I am fat! I just don't get it. How can one day you say, I want her and the next you pretend she was never there?!!?!?!? I'm going to end up alone, the lady who leaves everything to her cats...and "special friend." Thank god I don't have a cat yet or I would have even more to worry about! I just want someone to like me for me. I'm a great girl, a fun girl, a nice girl, a smart girl. But, a fat girl. Why is fat a deal breaker? Is it that horrible of a thing? I don't get it. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I am laying in bed crying over a BOY!!!! I'm that girl...the girl I promised myself I would never be. Really if I met a guy that was nice and funny and smart, but chunky I wouldn't care. Why can't they think the same way, why do girls have to be skinny in order to be dateable? Loveable? Why am I crying over a boy?

279.1

Friday fun night! Went out with just the "friend." Nobody else showed up, had way too much beer, but laughed a lot. Super Bowl weekend! Which cute QB do I root for?

282.1

Weighed in on Friday, but I have been really busy and unable to find a moment to write. Had to work this weekend...I hate working weekends! Also we had a company party. It was so much fun. Get a little booze in everyone and we are all getting along! Fantastic!

Sick of snow!

I am so sick of snow! AHHHHH!!!! As much as I hate the summer because it means swimsuits and shorts, I really, really hate the snow and cold. So far so good this week. Nothing much to report on. I cleaned out my closet this week. Got rid of a ton of clothes that are too small. Which means I have hardly none left. However, I refuse to buy anything new until I start loosing weight. I guess that will give me incentive to get my butt in gear. I saw something cool on TV tonight, the Dirty Dancing workout! It looks really fun, I'm going to have to look around town and see if I can find it. I love dancing, and I love the movie Dirty Dancing so hopefull this will be good. Well busy weekend ahead. I have to work and I'm putting on a party for a friend. Hopefully it goes well, rented a hall and have a DJ!! Woooooohooo party! The crush will be there, this past weekend there were more questions about us. It seems to be the big thing going on in my life right now. I just need to figure out the best way to handle it and what I really want out of it I guess. I thought that I would have my life figured out at this point of my life, but I guess not!

285.2

It't Friday! TGIF, I don't think I've ever been so happy for a weekend in a long time. I have no news to report. Sitting at home along on a Friday night. Would a pretty skinny girl be doing this? Maybe, but not because she had to. Because she wanted to. Now what to do?

Resolutions suck!

Well first off resolutions suck! I've done a shitty job of keeping up with this blog. I've tried to think of good things to write over the past week. But, the only thing on my mind is guy trouble's and I'm sure nobody wants to read about that all the time. Then, I promised to give my weight every Friday and I didn't do that. Last week Friday I weighed 287.5. So with that said still fat, still single, still alone.
I have been eating much better. I haven't gone out to lunch at work since the first of the year. Bringing a sandwich and a piece of fruit everyday for lunch. I use to go out to lunch everyday. The hardest part is sitting in a breakroom for an hour. Once the weather warms up it will be nice because then I can go sit outside or at a park. I'd like to atleast get out of the building for a bit. Well I can do is try harder.

As for the boy problems not gonna say much about it today. I wish I just had some balls to say something. He's been kinda quiet since the questions from friends about us came out. We have plans this weekend, but the past week or so has been different and strange. I hope all goes well and it's not too uncomfortable.

“All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.”

New Year

So my year so far if off to a rough start. I truely feel if I were thin my life would fall into place. I hate midnight on New Year's Even, it is the most depressing moment of each year. This year I spent it in tears. My secret came out and now I don't know what to do. Now because everyone know's I feel like it makes it worse. I feel like I'm falling more and more in love with someone, and am noticing new things about him that make me love him. He's my bestfriend....BESTFRIEND. We spend days together, we talk, text, email eachother all the time. He's the perfect guy, really I think so. All the girls I hang around with think so too. No one can ever figure out why he is single. Something must be wrong with him huh?!?!? I honestly can't think of one.....Smart, good job, well educated, tall, gorgeous, dark hair, great eyes, funny, awesome all around great person.
So I've had people ask if we are a couple, and why we aren't and until then I never thought about. He's my friend. But, then I started to think about it, and the more they ask, the more in love I fall. Afterall, if that many people ask it must look like a good thing right?
This past Tuesday along three people asked me....one of then being my best girlfriend. I played it off "we're just friends." Then on New Year's Eve one of those girls asked him why aren't a couple. I was mortified, I don't want him to think I put anyone up to it. I don't want to be uncomfortable around him. I don't want to have to worry that it will make him uncomfortable. I don't know what exactly was said on either end because of the drinking. But it worries me. How do I start to feel normal again? How do I make my heart aware that I'm just a friend. If he ever brings someone new around I don't think I'll every think she is good enough. Do I just profess my feeling and hope for the best? Or, do I wait it out?


So there's this boy,
and the way he laughs makes me smile,
and the way he talks gives me butterflies,
and just everything about him makes me
HAPPY.

Everyday people ask me "are you two going out?" and you don't realize how painful it is to reply "no we are just friends."

I shouldn't want you like this.

I WANT YOU TO WANT ME!

You always want what you can't have.

Why do I end up liking a guy I can only dream of having?

I don't think you realize how much I love you.

Being just a friend never hurt so much.

If you can't get someone out of your head maybe they are suppose to be there.

I love him so much it hurts.

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment yoy let go they catch on.

So I kinda, sorta, maybe like youmore than I originally planned.