285.4 Up again! Oh man, hopefully with the start of Lent this week I should bring that number down.
Could he be gay?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
2 weeks of life in 1 long blog
Can I just say that I hate my best friend!!!! No really I do, she has been getting on me (along with everyone else) about dating more and finding someone. They all say I’m great blah, blah. My friends have to say this right? Well, I was convinced to join match.com. HUM…it’s been 4-6 weeks, who knows. All I know is that I need to figure out how to stop the emails that are sent to me. About 3 times a week I get an email saying “sorry we have found 0 matches for you.” Seriously I have had ZERO matches! Ah!!!!! I need help.
Ok anyway it has been a crazy couple of weeks. I swear that boy will make me crazy!! Valentine’s Day started me thinking even more. He drives me nuts, not knowing what he is thinking. And I really believe that he has no idea what he is doing. It’s not a part of his plan to drive me up the wall and make me fall for him. But he is. I got flowers on the Friday before Valentine’s Day at work, from the girls I work with. Because, I’m the only one in my department not with someone and I think they felt bad for me that they all got flowers delivered that day. So I come back from lunch and I have pretty flowers on my desk! I do love my co-workers. Anyways, we go out that night a group from work, along with some of my friends. One of the ladies was talking about everyone in our department got flowers. I did not here the conversation but she says he went nuts. She said he asked like 3 times “everyone in your department got flowers?” When she said yes, he asked if that meant me too. She said yes again. Then she says it was 20 questions about who sent them and what they looked like on and on. She didn’t tell them they were from the ladies. Just said she didn’t know and I guess he asked her to investigate.
So, then Valentine’s Day….I’m single, he’s single all of our friends are couples. So we go out on Valentine’s Day. It was a nice day, nothing fancy. Out to the mall shopping, to the movies and out to eat. It was a nice day. Honestly it was the perfect way to spend Valentine’s (other then no sexL). My girlfriends said they wish that was what they did.
Well, then comes the new week. I went to a party at a bar here in town on Saturday. The roads where so bad, not many people came out. I think there were maybe 75 people at the bar. A couple of friends came out and we made the best of it. I had mentioned earlier in the week what we were going to do, but he said he wasn’t interested so I didn’t bug him about going. Not the kind of thing he would like, DJ, dancing, he’s more whole in the all chill bar person. Doesn’t like to dance or like that kind of music. Anyways, I figure night out with the girls mostly. We are on the dance floor 11pm, guess who walks in the door?!!?!?! The girls I were with jaws drop, they can’t believe he came. Even my best girlfriend that knows him also, was like what the heck. He didn’t dance, but he was a good at keeping the beer flowing. So it’s getting late and everyone is leaving. He sticks around and we hang out till they kick us out.
Then, Sunday I send a text out to a couple of friends that I haven’t seen in a while about going out on Monday night. One of them happened to be the girlfriend of his best friend. She writes back saying that her and her boyfriend will see me there. About 45 minutes maybe an hour later. I get a text from my crush asking why I didn’t invite him and if he could come. J That has to be a good sign right?!?!?! AHHHH boys.
Last night went out with friends again for dinner and drinks. Texted him hello on my way out and said if he was thirsty to stop on down. He came down and we closed the place down. We have a great time when we hang out. We know what each other likes and put with each other’s shit. But, neither one of us has the balls to make a move. Time will tell.
See I told you I had a lot. It’s been too long. I’m going to have to try do better at writing a couple times a week.
Well I’m still fat. I actually weighed myself today, and I’m up 5 pounds since Friday. I could be all the booze I’ve been drinking. But I’m done as of today. No drinking until Easter. Oh lord I hope someone prays for me that I can make it.
Ok anyway it has been a crazy couple of weeks. I swear that boy will make me crazy!! Valentine’s Day started me thinking even more. He drives me nuts, not knowing what he is thinking. And I really believe that he has no idea what he is doing. It’s not a part of his plan to drive me up the wall and make me fall for him. But he is. I got flowers on the Friday before Valentine’s Day at work, from the girls I work with. Because, I’m the only one in my department not with someone and I think they felt bad for me that they all got flowers delivered that day. So I come back from lunch and I have pretty flowers on my desk! I do love my co-workers. Anyways, we go out that night a group from work, along with some of my friends. One of the ladies was talking about everyone in our department got flowers. I did not here the conversation but she says he went nuts. She said he asked like 3 times “everyone in your department got flowers?” When she said yes, he asked if that meant me too. She said yes again. Then she says it was 20 questions about who sent them and what they looked like on and on. She didn’t tell them they were from the ladies. Just said she didn’t know and I guess he asked her to investigate.
So, then Valentine’s Day….I’m single, he’s single all of our friends are couples. So we go out on Valentine’s Day. It was a nice day, nothing fancy. Out to the mall shopping, to the movies and out to eat. It was a nice day. Honestly it was the perfect way to spend Valentine’s (other then no sexL). My girlfriends said they wish that was what they did.
Well, then comes the new week. I went to a party at a bar here in town on Saturday. The roads where so bad, not many people came out. I think there were maybe 75 people at the bar. A couple of friends came out and we made the best of it. I had mentioned earlier in the week what we were going to do, but he said he wasn’t interested so I didn’t bug him about going. Not the kind of thing he would like, DJ, dancing, he’s more whole in the all chill bar person. Doesn’t like to dance or like that kind of music. Anyways, I figure night out with the girls mostly. We are on the dance floor 11pm, guess who walks in the door?!!?!?! The girls I were with jaws drop, they can’t believe he came. Even my best girlfriend that knows him also, was like what the heck. He didn’t dance, but he was a good at keeping the beer flowing. So it’s getting late and everyone is leaving. He sticks around and we hang out till they kick us out.
Then, Sunday I send a text out to a couple of friends that I haven’t seen in a while about going out on Monday night. One of them happened to be the girlfriend of his best friend. She writes back saying that her and her boyfriend will see me there. About 45 minutes maybe an hour later. I get a text from my crush asking why I didn’t invite him and if he could come. J That has to be a good sign right?!?!?! AHHHH boys.
Last night went out with friends again for dinner and drinks. Texted him hello on my way out and said if he was thirsty to stop on down. He came down and we closed the place down. We have a great time when we hang out. We know what each other likes and put with each other’s shit. But, neither one of us has the balls to make a move. Time will tell.
See I told you I had a lot. It’s been too long. I’m going to have to try do better at writing a couple times a week.
Well I’m still fat. I actually weighed myself today, and I’m up 5 pounds since Friday. I could be all the booze I’ve been drinking. But I’m done as of today. No drinking until Easter. Oh lord I hope someone prays for me that I can make it.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
282.2
well it's about 2 days late...i did weigh myself on friday but i've been super busy.....at least i'm down. i have lots to say about my week but now is not the time hopefully tomorrow i can find a second or two.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thirsty Thursday
OH well for those of you who don't know Lent starts next week. Yup, that means I'm Catholic! Well this year I'm giving up drinking and eating out! HA! I was doing well on the no fast food thing until about 2 weeks ago. I was having a really bad day, went to Wendy's for a sandwich. It's all been down hill from there. AHHHHHH!!!! Well times will be changing next week. Which also means think weekend will be a drunken drink fest! Yeah!
So nothing much has really been going on this week.I've been sad, when I'm sad I shop! I bought two new pairs of shoe's yeah! Really really cute ones. And, I got some new golf shoes also. Also got a ton of new clothes. Something that I didn't want to do until I lost some weight. Oh well at least if I'm fat I'm gonna look stylish. Hum well weigh-in tomorrow we will see what happens.
So nothing much has really been going on this week.I've been sad, when I'm sad I shop! I bought two new pairs of shoe's yeah! Really really cute ones. And, I got some new golf shoes also. Also got a ton of new clothes. Something that I didn't want to do until I lost some weight. Oh well at least if I'm fat I'm gonna look stylish. Hum well weigh-in tomorrow we will see what happens.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
You're Making ME Crazy
AHHH!!! I can’t believe how I am feeling now. I know that this blog is supposed to be about my weight. But, I seem to let this guy take over all of my thoughts lately. Why? Why do I let him do this? Am I crazy? I must be. I’ve never been a mushy starry eyed girl. Now I’m in my late 20’s and I’m acting like a junior high girl. WTF?? How did I let him do this to me? Does he know that his making me crazy? Seriously….I don’t get it. The cooler, move level headed I try to be about this guy the crazier I get. I tried really hard NOT to talk to him this weekend. Yeah, we are friends, but we have other friends. So, why not just hang out with them this weekend? Friday night, go to the movies with the girlfriends. He’s Just Not That into you, great movie. I loved Ben Affleck’s character in this movie. That is the kind of guy I want. Although so much in the movie is SOOOOOO true. Why do we convince our girlfriends that guys act that way because they like you? Right now it hit so close to home with all the things my girlfriends have been tell me. At any rate, a night out with the girls. Awesome, early movie and a few drinks. Then decide to head downtown. Get text from him wanting to know how the movie was, what we were up to, told him headed downtown to the bars. He HATE’S the downtown bars, doesn’t like how loud they are parking far way and walking a mile, or having to pay for parking if you park close. Get down there and guess who is there? Yeah! WTF? The messages where short. Ended with have a good weekend and there he was. Way to screw up my mind. We stay until the bar closed. Argue about him paying for my drinks -while getting looks from my best girlfriend. Then head out to grab a bite to eat and head home. Here’s where I start to go crazy. Last text of the night from him at 3:30am, first text of Saturday from him at 6:43am. Hummmmmmm. Then I go to work, getting messages from him all day. Stupid messages. Wanting to know what is going on that night. What he see’s going on outside of his window. What he is watching on TV. What he is eating for lunch. I ignore most of them, not writing back. What do I say after all? That night I was invited to a mutual friend’s house to hang out play some cards. They have invited him; I call to see if he’s going so we can ride together. He doesn’t feel up to it, says he wants a night in on the couch being lazy. That’s cool. The whole time over there my phone is going off me asking questions, who is there, what are we doing, am I having fun, and what am I drinking? More stupidness. Then at midnight “I’m bored.” What I am supposed to think? Semi-sounds like a booty call?!!? Am I nuts? Why would he say that when we have never done anything sexual before. Not even a kiss? Drunk, alone, lonely? This guy is driving me nuts! He’s in my head and I’m letting him get to me. Do I really like him? Or do I like him because we spend so much time together and everyone says we make a cute couple. Does he like me, or is he getting the same from his friends. I don’t know what to make of all of this. As I’m writing this text from him “watching the big lebowski.” He really starts a conversation with a question, always with an off the wall statement. Boy do I love him. Does he know that I deep down inside wanted to know what he was doing? Does he know me better then I know myself?
Saturday, February 7, 2009
277.1
It's Friday! Yeah, just my weight for now hope foe more to follow this weekend...drunk for now!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Why cry?
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
I cried today for the first time in 7 years over a guy!!!!! WTF??!?!?!?!?! Why do I feel like this? Why did I let myself have these feelings? Why am I crying over someone that I never would be good enough for? Why aren't I the skinny girl, or have blonde hair? How can I let something hurst me so much? How can I believe my friends when they tell me we are perfect for eachother? Why would they even tell me that? How does this happen? How can I let my heart feel like this? I AM a smart girl! I deserve someone good. Will it ever happen NO! Why? Because I am the girl who is a friend. Why? Because I am fat! I just don't get it. How can one day you say, I want her and the next you pretend she was never there?!!?!?!? I'm going to end up alone, the lady who leaves everything to her cats...and "special friend." Thank god I don't have a cat yet or I would have even more to worry about! I just want someone to like me for me. I'm a great girl, a fun girl, a nice girl, a smart girl. But, a fat girl. Why is fat a deal breaker? Is it that horrible of a thing? I don't get it. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I am laying in bed crying over a BOY!!!! I'm that girl...the girl I promised myself I would never be. Really if I met a guy that was nice and funny and smart, but chunky I wouldn't care. Why can't they think the same way, why do girls have to be skinny in order to be dateable? Loveable? Why am I crying over a boy?
I cried today for the first time in 7 years over a guy!!!!! WTF??!?!?!?!?! Why do I feel like this? Why did I let myself have these feelings? Why am I crying over someone that I never would be good enough for? Why aren't I the skinny girl, or have blonde hair? How can I let something hurst me so much? How can I believe my friends when they tell me we are perfect for eachother? Why would they even tell me that? How does this happen? How can I let my heart feel like this? I AM a smart girl! I deserve someone good. Will it ever happen NO! Why? Because I am the girl who is a friend. Why? Because I am fat! I just don't get it. How can one day you say, I want her and the next you pretend she was never there?!!?!?!? I'm going to end up alone, the lady who leaves everything to her cats...and "special friend." Thank god I don't have a cat yet or I would have even more to worry about! I just want someone to like me for me. I'm a great girl, a fun girl, a nice girl, a smart girl. But, a fat girl. Why is fat a deal breaker? Is it that horrible of a thing? I don't get it. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I am laying in bed crying over a BOY!!!! I'm that girl...the girl I promised myself I would never be. Really if I met a guy that was nice and funny and smart, but chunky I wouldn't care. Why can't they think the same way, why do girls have to be skinny in order to be dateable? Loveable? Why am I crying over a boy?
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