279.1

Friday fun night! Went out with just the "friend." Nobody else showed up, had way too much beer, but laughed a lot. Super Bowl weekend! Which cute QB do I root for?

282.1

Weighed in on Friday, but I have been really busy and unable to find a moment to write. Had to work this weekend...I hate working weekends! Also we had a company party. It was so much fun. Get a little booze in everyone and we are all getting along! Fantastic!

Sick of snow!

I am so sick of snow! AHHHHH!!!! As much as I hate the summer because it means swimsuits and shorts, I really, really hate the snow and cold. So far so good this week. Nothing much to report on. I cleaned out my closet this week. Got rid of a ton of clothes that are too small. Which means I have hardly none left. However, I refuse to buy anything new until I start loosing weight. I guess that will give me incentive to get my butt in gear. I saw something cool on TV tonight, the Dirty Dancing workout! It looks really fun, I'm going to have to look around town and see if I can find it. I love dancing, and I love the movie Dirty Dancing so hopefull this will be good. Well busy weekend ahead. I have to work and I'm putting on a party for a friend. Hopefully it goes well, rented a hall and have a DJ!! Woooooohooo party! The crush will be there, this past weekend there were more questions about us. It seems to be the big thing going on in my life right now. I just need to figure out the best way to handle it and what I really want out of it I guess. I thought that I would have my life figured out at this point of my life, but I guess not!

285.2

It't Friday! TGIF, I don't think I've ever been so happy for a weekend in a long time. I have no news to report. Sitting at home along on a Friday night. Would a pretty skinny girl be doing this? Maybe, but not because she had to. Because she wanted to. Now what to do?

Resolutions suck!

Well first off resolutions suck! I've done a shitty job of keeping up with this blog. I've tried to think of good things to write over the past week. But, the only thing on my mind is guy trouble's and I'm sure nobody wants to read about that all the time. Then, I promised to give my weight every Friday and I didn't do that. Last week Friday I weighed 287.5. So with that said still fat, still single, still alone.
I have been eating much better. I haven't gone out to lunch at work since the first of the year. Bringing a sandwich and a piece of fruit everyday for lunch. I use to go out to lunch everyday. The hardest part is sitting in a breakroom for an hour. Once the weather warms up it will be nice because then I can go sit outside or at a park. I'd like to atleast get out of the building for a bit. Well I can do is try harder.

As for the boy problems not gonna say much about it today. I wish I just had some balls to say something. He's been kinda quiet since the questions from friends about us came out. We have plans this weekend, but the past week or so has been different and strange. I hope all goes well and it's not too uncomfortable.

“All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.”

New Year

So my year so far if off to a rough start. I truely feel if I were thin my life would fall into place. I hate midnight on New Year's Even, it is the most depressing moment of each year. This year I spent it in tears. My secret came out and now I don't know what to do. Now because everyone know's I feel like it makes it worse. I feel like I'm falling more and more in love with someone, and am noticing new things about him that make me love him. He's my bestfriend....BESTFRIEND. We spend days together, we talk, text, email eachother all the time. He's the perfect guy, really I think so. All the girls I hang around with think so too. No one can ever figure out why he is single. Something must be wrong with him huh?!?!? I honestly can't think of one.....Smart, good job, well educated, tall, gorgeous, dark hair, great eyes, funny, awesome all around great person.
So I've had people ask if we are a couple, and why we aren't and until then I never thought about. He's my friend. But, then I started to think about it, and the more they ask, the more in love I fall. Afterall, if that many people ask it must look like a good thing right?
This past Tuesday along three people asked me....one of then being my best girlfriend. I played it off "we're just friends." Then on New Year's Eve one of those girls asked him why aren't a couple. I was mortified, I don't want him to think I put anyone up to it. I don't want to be uncomfortable around him. I don't want to have to worry that it will make him uncomfortable. I don't know what exactly was said on either end because of the drinking. But it worries me. How do I start to feel normal again? How do I make my heart aware that I'm just a friend. If he ever brings someone new around I don't think I'll every think she is good enough. Do I just profess my feeling and hope for the best? Or, do I wait it out?


So there's this boy,
and the way he laughs makes me smile,
and the way he talks gives me butterflies,
and just everything about him makes me
HAPPY.

Everyday people ask me "are you two going out?" and you don't realize how painful it is to reply "no we are just friends."

I shouldn't want you like this.

I WANT YOU TO WANT ME!

You always want what you can't have.

Why do I end up liking a guy I can only dream of having?

I don't think you realize how much I love you.

Being just a friend never hurt so much.

If you can't get someone out of your head maybe they are suppose to be there.

I love him so much it hurts.

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment yoy let go they catch on.

So I kinda, sorta, maybe like youmore than I originally planned.